It’s been over a decade since Grand Theft Auto V hit consoles like a pixelated comet, and somehow, GTA VI is still locked in the vault like it’s the final boss in a heist mission. The promises of a release for GTA IV are starting to become comical. Instead of the game we just get constant teases shot down by delays. Guess what? GTA IV is delayed again…
A decade is too long to wait for a sequel to a game, but there’s a magic in the world of Grand Theft Auto. It’s not just a game, it’s an icon and Rockstar Games knows we’ll wait until it’s ready. In the meantime, pop culture has spiraled into a fever dream of crossover madness, nostalgic resurrections, and digital scams your grandpa probably fell for.
Here are just a few of the reality-warping, probably-shouldn’t-have-happened things that took over the world while Rockstar was busy perfecting the physics engine on Miami puddles. We should’ve had a sequel a few years after release but instead we are waiting and the world is going crazy.
1. NFTs Became Real, and Then Robbed Everyone Like It Was a Side Quest Gone Wrong
We could’ve been robbing banks in Vice City. Instead, people willingly got robbed by cartoon apes in snapbacks selling “art” that looks like it was made in MS Paint during a fire drill. GTA VI would’ve roasted NFTs in a single mission titled “Mint Condition: Steal the Blockchain from a Yacht Party of Tech Bros”. Instead, real life did it first… and worse.
We used to steal cars and identities in GTA. Now people willingly handed over their life savings to a pixelated monkey named “CryptoChad420” in exchange for a JPEG that looks like it was drawn during detention. If GTA VI had dropped on time, Rockstar would’ve parodied this into oblivion. Instead, NFTs became real… and then a crime wave. Like a side quest gone viral.
And now the delay for GTA IV is so long, NFT’s are no longer a thing. Well, for most people.
2. Rockstar Released an Epic Cowboy Sadness Simulator Instead of the GTA Game We Actually Wanted
Remember when we thought GTA VI was around the corner… and Rockstar instead handed us a 100-hour slow-burn about betrayal, respiratory failure, and brushing a virtual horse’s butt for optimal stamina?
Enter Red Dead Redemption 2: a visually stunning, emotionally devastating cowboy sadness simulator so immersive, you could feel your soul wither every time Arthur Morgan coughed. It was less “Yeehaw!” and more “Oh god, the gang is falling apart and I’ve emotionally bonded with my horse.“
Now, don’t get it twisted—it’s a masterpiece. Like, award-winning, digital-spaghetti-western-opera-of-feelings kind of masterpiece. But it wasn’t GTA VI.
We wanted neon skylines, bank heists in speedboats, and a storyline where you wear sunglasses indoors just because you can. What we got instead was a philosophical odyssey through horse poop and broken dreams.
We didn’t ask to feel things, Rockstar.
We asked to steal things. Loudly. With flamethrowers.
And while we were trekking across snowy mountains looking for a warm can of beans and contemplating the morality of our choices, GTA Online kept re-releasing the same missions like a broken jukebox in a haunted casino.
Even the horses looked sad.
It was like Rockstar took all the emotional trauma they didn’t want to put into GTA VI and just yeehaw’d it into a cinematic therapy session. And yeah, we cried when Arthur whistled for a horse that wasn’t there anymore. But also: WHERE. IS. THE. FLORIDA-INSPIRED. HEIST. SIMULATOR?!
3. The Marvel Cinematic Universe Started, Climbed a Mountain, and Fell Into a Multiverse Spiral While We Kept Driving the Same Cars in GTA V
Back when GTA V first dropped, Tony Stark was still alive, Steve Rogers had a spine that didn’t creak like a haunted porch, and the biggest cinematic question was: “Will Iron Man and Hulk ever be friends again?”
Fast forward twelve years: the MCU has released approximately 842 interconnected projects, including:
- At least three Spider-Men
- A raccoon with unresolved trauma
- A sentient AI who falls in love, gets depressed, and becomes a sitcom dad
- Two Multiverse Crises
- One CGI Hulk baby (that we did NOT ask for)
Meanwhile, Rockstar still had us replaying that same jewelry store heist in GTA Online, like it was Groundhog Day but with more flying motorcycles and rage quits.
The MCU went through three Presidential terms worth of plot, birthed entire streaming platforms, created its own Disney+ industrial complex, and made entire characters (looking at you, Agatha) trend globally based on a single eyebrow raise.
It got so deep that at one point, we were watching a 6-episode legal sitcom starring She-Hulk twerking with Megan Thee Stallion. And still, no GTA VI. Just more GTA V. With slightly better water physics.
If GTA VI had released in time, we could’ve been blowing up Vice City skyscrapers while dressed like low-budget Avengers knockoffs. Instead, we watched the multiverse collapse into itself like a burrito of plot holes and fan service.
We’re not saying GTA VI would’ve stopped the MCU from jumping the shark.
But it might’ve distracted us long enough to not notice when Kang got recast… twice
6. A Global Pandemic Hit, and Somehow That Still Wasn’t Enough Time to Release GTA VI
We don’t want to say that Rockstar could’ve dropped GTA VI during the one time in modern history when literally everyone on Earth was trapped indoors… but we’re saying it.
While the world descended into a chaotic, mask-wearing, toilet-paper-hoarding apocalyptic sitcom, Rockstar sat back and gave us… more GTA V. Again. Remastered. Re-reskinned. Re-delivered like a bad Uber Eats order stuck in a time loop.
People were:
- Baking bread like it was 1897.
- Holding Zoom funerals for their social lives.
- Turning Animal Crossing islands into dating simulators.
- Learning TikTok dances they’d regret in six months.
- Pretending banana bread could fill the emotional void where GTA VI should’ve been.
And Rockstar? Radio silence.
Imagine the possibilities. We could’ve had a pandemic-themed Vice City update with:
- Black market Lysol heists.
- Mask-themed disguise mechanics.
- A mission called “Curbside Pickup: Jack the Grocery Van Before It Leaves the Lot.”
But instead, we got another Shark Card update and a flying motorcycle so grief-inducing it probably caused actual PTSD.
Even the CDC updated its guidelines faster than Rockstar updated the player models.
We had time to watch an entire streaming industry explode, binge-watch 9 years of content, go through five waves of existential dread, and somehow still didn’t get a single official GTA VI trailer.
Rockstar, buddy… you literally had a captive audience. All we asked was a neon skyline, a new radio station, and the ability to do donuts in a stolen sports car while wearing a gas mask. Is that too much?
Apparently, yes.
Conclusion:
So here we are. Still in Los Santos. Still dodging oppressor jets in GTA Online. Still listening to Lazlow talk about aliens. The world around us melted into a surrealist fever dream because Rockstar left the door open and forgot to come back. If GTA VI ever does arrive, it better include a mode called “GTA: Timeline Correction Edition”—because we’ve got a lot of weird to clean up.
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